RE: Effects of SA non-compliance on spouse
I went on Bp meds yesterday. Bp dropped right down to where my "normal" used to be : 110/70 ballpark. One less thing to stress over. Yes, there's lots of stress in my life, but everyone should be able to have a "safe" place - at least one place where you're not feeling under attack. And everyone deserves a chance at a good night's sleep.
Yes, there are other stress factors in our marriage other than just not being able to sleep. Heart attack, stroke, high Bp aren't the only health concerns of SA. Loss of libido and sexual performance are two more. My husband doesn't bond to people very well (thank you abusive stepfather and mother in denial). However we were doing great in the bonding/bedroom side of life. Enter loss of performance without the decrease in testosterone and you get a man in denial. Little blue pills are cost prohibitive because they aren't covered by insurance, and he's too embarrassed to buy them. Then the loss of libido sets in, and he's all good. There's no libido, so why have sex and risk a loss of performance. He was never comfortable with hugging or snuggling. Kissing was foreplay. Why kiss if you're not going to have sex. No amount of begging, pleading, threatening, crying, etc on my part was doing any good. He was okay deciding that we would be celibate without my approval. No touching, anything, anytime, anywhere. Just NO.
So...... 10 years of little or no sex life, and 1.5 of NO physical contact. Yeah, that's stressful. Don't forget that I'm still not sleeping. And then add the normal stress that people deal with over the past five years: Bad job (his. Ugh) loss of job (me) start my own business (yea!) new job (his. Yea!) moving, selling a house, selling my business, putting mom in assisted living, selling her house, moving mom to a new facility, managing her finances, moving mom AGAIN, child in college, financial issues, you know - the normal stuff.
I understand that we need therapy, been there done that. But what good is therapy if you're not correcting the problem? Correcting the problem is him putting on the mask. He sleeps, I sleep. And in the morning we're both happy! (yes, there's a double meaning there) You fix the sleep issue and you fix the libido/performance issue. Just the physical act of sex lowers Bp.
So guys - when your wife is bugging you about adhering to your therapy, please consider all the factors. It's like a ripple in the pond. One thing leads to another, to another, to another, and all of a sudden you're taking three different meds to treat symptoms of stress and lack of sleep. Lack of sleep causes weight gain (think belly fat and cortisol) and stress. Stress and weight gain cause high Bp and acid reflux. Acid reflux affects sleep and causes a myriad of damage to the body. Fighting health issues is stressful. When I climb into bed every night, I might be a little pissy. Not only am I denied the benefits of the marital bed, but I have to put up with the dying wart hog next to me. We're back at the beginning. And I'm on all the meds to correct problems that stem from his SA. There's a pill for that!
On a positive note: I recorded his snoring! He was amazed! And he apologized. And he has an appointment with a DME provider to see if there are any changes in masks over the past 8 years that might make this easier.
Wish us luck. We've been married for 23 yrs. I haven't given up yet. Of course I may kill him with my nagging....... "the face of an angel with the tongue of an adder"