Post Reply 
Sleep apnea funnies
Author Message
GPSMapNut Offline

Advisory Members

Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2015

Machine: DreamStation Auto
Mask Type: Nasal pillows
Mask Make & Model: Resmed AirFit P10 and PR DreamWear
Humidifier: DreamStation + heated hose
CPAP Pressure: 9-16
CPAP Software: SleepyHead EncorePro Other Software

Other Comments: Used Respironics REMstar Pro with C-Flex for 11 years and ResMed S9 Elite loaner for 3 months

Sex: Male
Location: Mississauga, ON, Canada

Post: #151
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTqbmUf_FdohQ1KYbopa5X...Em-E3MnApy]

Everything I post on this board is nothing more than an opinion expressed by an apneak. Normally, it's based on facts and experience but sometimes, I may get things wrong or not have all the facts.
I reserve the right to change my mind. Why? Because tomorrow I may know better.
03-21-2016 08:40 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply

Donate to Apnea Board
sam496 Offline

Preferred Members

Posts: 26
Joined: Sep 2015

Machine: ResMed Autoset CS Pace Wave
Mask Type: Full face mask
Mask Make & Model: Simplus Full face mask
Humidifier: None at present
CPAP Pressure: min EPAP 8 Max EPAP 25
CPAP Software: ResScan SleepyHead Compliance Manager

Other Comments:

Sex: Male
Location: UK

Post: #152
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
How about these two true statements from the person who Diagnosed me with OSA all along I have CSA more biased to Central.

Firstly I had massive problems from day one with leaks, initially with a nasal mask (mouth breather) and then a succession of other masks over 6 months, the initial setting for the wrongly issued CPAP machine was max of 20 cm h2o which the machine ramped up to within 20 minutes of putting the mask on. Here it comes

"The reason the pressure goes up is because it detects the mask leak and puts the pressure up to compensate"

I did try explaing that the higher perssure would only result in a bigger leak but it was lost on her.

The Second one was again regarding the masks (i had about 5 in as many months in an attempt to find one that didnt leak). this one is a real gem

"These masks are all designed to fit Maori's (native of New Zealand) as they have broad flat faces"

now thats a very small cross section of society to base the world wide sale of SA masks on...

Well they made my new machine technician laugh!!
03-25-2016 01:00 PM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply
DeepBreathing Offline
Wiki Editor
Moderators

Posts: 2,297
Joined: Sep 2013

Machine: Resmed S9 VPAP Adapt
Mask Type: Full face mask
Mask Make & Model: F&P Simplus
Humidifier: Resmed H5i
CPAP Pressure: EPAP: 9 - 15 PS: 3 - 10
CPAP Software: ResScan SleepyHead

Other Comments:

Sex: Male
Location: Perth, Western Australia

Post: #153
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
You know there's probably a grain of truth about the Maori quip. Fisher & Paykel is a New Zealand company and the Maoris make up a fairly high percentage of the NZ population. As a gross generalisation, they tend to be big solid people and many of the men have thick necks. That's part of the reason they make such great rugby players.

DeepBreathing
Apnea Board Moderator
www.ApneaBoard.com


Bed

INFORMATION ON APNEA BOARD FORUMS OR ON APNEABOARD.COM SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED AS MEDICAL ADVICE. ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF A PHYSICIAN BEFORE SEEKING TREATMENT FOR MEDICAL CONDITIONS, INCLUDING SLEEP APNEA. INFORMATION POSTED ON THE APNEA BOARD WEB SITE AND FORUMS ARE PERSONAL OPINION ONLY AND NOT NECESSARILY A STATEMENT OF FACT.
03-25-2016 07:45 PM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply

Donate to Apnea Board
Luvmyzzz Offline

Preferred Members

Posts: 82
Joined: Mar 2016

Machine: ResMed Airsense 10 Autoset
Mask Type: Nasal mask
Mask Make & Model: Philips Wisp
Humidifier: Built In
CPAP Pressure: 9-13
CPAP Software: SleepyHead

Other Comments: First diagnosed with essential hypertension @ age 25 (precursor to CHF)

Sex: Female
Location: This side of the MilkyWay

Post: #154
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
(01-21-2016 02:05 PM)GPSMapNut Wrote:  Stolen err I mean copied from another forum

Terms re-interpreted:

Activa = needing to use all your energy to stop leaks

Swift = leaks really fast

Snapp = effect on your sanity

Comfort = annoying

Curve = drives you round the bend

Breeze = very complicated

Classic = didn’t work then, doesn’t work now

Ultra = we aren’t going to spend any more on R & D to try and get it to work

Flexifit = you can flex, but no matter how much you try it won’t fit

Mirage = fooling yourself that something actually works

Aclaim = don’t believe what we say!

Aclaim 2 = still don’t believe what we say!

Profile = probably designed to fit a horse

Simplicity = totally confusing instructions supplied!

Serenity = guaranteed to annoy

Vista = you can’t see anything when it’s on

Nasal Prong
= auto nose-picking device!

Elite = Expensive

Headgear = vice-like contraption designed to produce unexpected bald patches on women and men and who aren’t already bald

Easy disassembly to clean = what ever you do don’t take it apart because you’ll never get it back together again

Never wash in anything but pure soap = we know you can’t buy pure soap, so once you’ve cleaned your mask the warrantee is void!

Why didn't the CPAPer cross the road?

His hose wasn't long enough!!

like Too cute! Love all the funnies, I'd rather read the funnies anyway....Dielaughing

I enjoy being with a group who like to share their "Hosehead" experiences, to remind me I am not alone.
03-26-2016 05:08 PM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply
GPSMapNut Offline

Advisory Members

Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2015

Machine: DreamStation Auto
Mask Type: Nasal pillows
Mask Make & Model: Resmed AirFit P10 and PR DreamWear
Humidifier: DreamStation + heated hose
CPAP Pressure: 9-16
CPAP Software: SleepyHead EncorePro Other Software

Other Comments: Used Respironics REMstar Pro with C-Flex for 11 years and ResMed S9 Elite loaner for 3 months

Sex: Male
Location: Mississauga, ON, Canada

Post: #155
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
Missed me? Well, life happens and the next while will be, (for the lack of better word) very exciting for me and I will have preciously little or maybe awfully lot of time to drop in. After 30+ years, my company is shutting down...
Well, still, got to find excuses to smile so...

[Image: 75225b064364cb412bfe00b2f2f28decce85f67a7b096a4e8041bce11c4c8251.jpg]

Everything I post on this board is nothing more than an opinion expressed by an apneak. Normally, it's based on facts and experience but sometimes, I may get things wrong or not have all the facts.
I reserve the right to change my mind. Why? Because tomorrow I may know better.
03-31-2016 08:37 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply

Donate to Apnea Board
SuperSleeper Offline

Administrators

Posts: 9,976
Joined: Feb 2012

Machine: PR System One REMstar Auto (DS560)
Mask Type: Nasal pillows
Mask Make & Model: ResMed Mirage Swift II
Humidifier: none
CPAP Pressure: 12.5 - 18.5 cmH20 (auto range)
CPAP Software: SleepyHead

Other Comments: Have diabetes Type II

Sex: Male
Location: Illinois, USA

Post: #156
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
Bummer.... well, all the more reason to keep this thread going! Coffee

Sorry to hear about your company shutting down though. Sad

SuperSleeper
Apnea Board Administrator
www.ApneaBoard.com


INFORMATION ON APNEA BOARD FORUMS OR ON APNEABOARD.COM SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED AS MEDICAL ADVICE. ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF A PHYSICIAN BEFORE SEEKING TREATMENT FOR MEDICAL CONDITIONS, INCLUDING SLEEP APNEA. INFORMATION POSTED ON THE APNEA BOARD WEB SITE AND FORUMS ARE PERSONAL OPINION ONLY AND NOT NECESSARILY A STATEMENT OF FACT.

03-31-2016 11:03 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply
justMongo Offline

Monitors

Posts: 3,857
Joined: Sep 2013

Machine: ResMed VPAP Auto (S9)
Mask Type: Full face mask
Mask Make & Model: ResMed Mirage Quattro
Humidifier: ResMed H5i
CPAP Pressure: 18 IPAPmax - 11 EPAPmin, PS=5
CPAP Software: Other Software

Other Comments: μολὼν λαβέ

Sex: Male
Location: Калифорния

Post: #157
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
So, I went to my doctor.
He said I had severe sleep apnea.
I said: "I cannot believe it. I want a second opinion."
The doctor replied: " And, your ugly!"

INFORMATION ON APNEA BOARD FORUMS OR ON APNEABOARD.COM SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED AS MEDICAL ADVICE. ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF A PHYSICIAN BEFORE SEEKING TREATMENT FOR MEDICAL CONDITIONS, INCLUDING SLEEP APNEA. INFORMATION POSTED ON THE APNEA BOARD WEB SITE AND FORUMS ARE PERSONAL OPINION ONLY AND NOT NECESSARILY A STATEMENT OF FACT.
03-31-2016 11:11 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply

Donate to Apnea Board
GPSMapNut Offline

Advisory Members

Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2015

Machine: DreamStation Auto
Mask Type: Nasal pillows
Mask Make & Model: Resmed AirFit P10 and PR DreamWear
Humidifier: DreamStation + heated hose
CPAP Pressure: 9-16
CPAP Software: SleepyHead EncorePro Other Software

Other Comments: Used Respironics REMstar Pro with C-Flex for 11 years and ResMed S9 Elite loaner for 3 months

Sex: Male
Location: Mississauga, ON, Canada

Post: #158
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
(03-31-2016 11:11 AM)justMongo Wrote:  So, I went to my doctor.
He said I had severe sleep apnea.
I said: "I cannot believe it. I want a second opinion."
The doctor replied: " And, your ugly!"

Somehow reminded me of an exchange attributed to Churchill:


Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.

Winston Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober.

Everything I post on this board is nothing more than an opinion expressed by an apneak. Normally, it's based on facts and experience but sometimes, I may get things wrong or not have all the facts.
I reserve the right to change my mind. Why? Because tomorrow I may know better.
03-31-2016 11:26 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply
Luvmyzzz Offline

Preferred Members

Posts: 82
Joined: Mar 2016

Machine: ResMed Airsense 10 Autoset
Mask Type: Nasal mask
Mask Make & Model: Philips Wisp
Humidifier: Built In
CPAP Pressure: 9-13
CPAP Software: SleepyHead

Other Comments: First diagnosed with essential hypertension @ age 25 (precursor to CHF)

Sex: Female
Location: This side of the MilkyWay

Post: #159
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
Missed me? Well, life happens and the next while will be, (for the lack of better word) very exciting for me and I will have preciously little or maybe awfully lot of time to drop in. After 30+ years, my company is shutting down...
Well, still, got to find excuses to smile so...

If I even try to take a nap without using my CPAP, the dog nudges me!! but...
why does the dog snore??? is this mimic, or do I need to find a doggy cpap too?Okay

I enjoy being with a group who like to share their "Hosehead" experiences, to remind me I am not alone.
03-31-2016 11:43 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply

Donate to Apnea Board
Luvmyzzz Offline

Preferred Members

Posts: 82
Joined: Mar 2016

Machine: ResMed Airsense 10 Autoset
Mask Type: Nasal mask
Mask Make & Model: Philips Wisp
Humidifier: Built In
CPAP Pressure: 9-13
CPAP Software: SleepyHead

Other Comments: First diagnosed with essential hypertension @ age 25 (precursor to CHF)

Sex: Female
Location: This side of the MilkyWay

Post: #160
RE: Sleep apnea funnies
I hope I will be able to bring some humor to this forum! Humor does the body & soul
good!! & Using the Cpap will keep the brain in better tune for off the cuff comments!

I enjoy being with a group who like to share their "Hosehead" experiences, to remind me I am not alone.
03-31-2016 11:47 AM
Find all posts by this user Post Reply Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Sleep Apnea and Service Dogs PaulaO2 17 9,758 11-07-2016 07:18 PM
Last Post: PaulaO2
Wink Apnea is not the only reason I can't sleep! JohnNJ 21 2,155 10-23-2016 10:21 AM
Last Post: AlanE
  Justice Scalia Had Sleep Apnea surferdude2 11 1,233 04-04-2016 04:45 PM
Last Post: FrankNichols

Forum Jump:

Who's Online (Complete List)