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Telemarketer Tactics
I came across this and found them amusing:

20 things to make a telemarketer hangup
  1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
  2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
  3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
  4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
  5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
  6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. Sing in an operatic voice if possible. Or a "Tiny Tim" falsetto. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
  7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
  8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
  9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
  10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
  11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
  12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
  13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
  14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
  15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
  16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
  17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
  18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
  19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
  20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Please note: No telemarketer was injured while making this list.
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16. Give them 202-456-1414.

One I have successfully used is: "So, you thought you'd start out your morning by committing a Federal Felony."

Admin Note:
JustMongo passed away in August 2017
Click HERE to read his Memorial Thread

~ Rest in Peace ~
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You folks think quickly, love your sense of humor. I aim to try a few of these ideas on my next call.
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I've had limited success (and some cheap entertainment) doing something like the following:

1. Whatever they are selling, eventually they're going to want your credit card number. When that time comes, tell them that you'll go get the card, but it's upstairs and due to a knee injury it takes a few minutes for you to climb the stairs. Ask them if they woudn't mind waiting.

2. Put the phone down and go back to whatever you were doing prior to the call.

3. After 10 minutes, come back and tell the caller, "I'm so sorry but I thought my billfold/purse was upstairs. I think I left it in my car in the garage. Hate to waste your time, but would you mind holding a bit longer while I check the car?"...

4. After about 7 minutes, come back and tell them "Okay, I've got the card". They will ask you for the number. Read a fake number to them that's similar to a driver's license number... or just make one up that sounds good.

5. When they reply "that's not a valid credit card number", act surprised... then pause, say "hold on a minute, something's not right here..." Pause some more.... say "huh, that's strange, this is my driver's license not my credit card... I must have picked the wrong card from my wallet/purse"... Let me go back to the car and get the credit card..."

6. Feel free to repeat steps 4 & 5 using AAA membership card number or your library card or your AARP membership card or whatever until the telemarketer's head explodes.

Big Grinnie

Apnea Board Administrator


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My Tactic, is to ask them to hold for a few minutes I then turn on my music system, place the phone beside a speaker and give them a blast of death metal at full volume, oddly enough they don't seem to like my hold music and they hang up.
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Still love this way. Warning for language that might offend some. Not bad though.


Using FlashAir W-03 SD card in machine. Access through wifi with FlashPAP or Sleep Master utilities.

I wanted to learn Binary so I enrolled in Binary 101. I seemed to have missed the first four courses. Big Grinnie

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I've seen that one before Alan.

Perhaps we should just do what customer service phone systems do...
"Listen carefully as our menu options have changed."
"Para español, presione el número dos ahora."
"If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911."
"If you know your party's extension, you may enter it at any time."

Admin Note:
JustMongo passed away in August 2017
Click HERE to read his Memorial Thread

~ Rest in Peace ~
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Sadly, one of the things these all miss is that some these calls are just verifying that your number os active, they verify lists of number are still active so they can then sell the list to the callers/telemarketers as verifier lists which pays better. The best - though less satisfying - strategy to reduce the calls is to never answer a call that you don't recognize. Sadly, you have to also not use voicemail, since that answering will qualify as an active number and get your number of the A list.
I am not a Medical professional and I don't play one on the internet.
Started CPAP Therapy April 5, 2016
I'd Rather Be Sleeping
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I'm not sure that a list of active numbers has value to the telemarketers given their use of technology.
With a robotic dialer, they can spray out all 1000 numbers in an area code and prefix in seconds.

Although, I admit that Mrs Mongo's landline, which is listed in the book, gets many times more telemarketers.
My landline only attracts robo calls where they do not know whom they are calling.

My landline number is going to be ported to Ringto; and I'll just use my iPhone 6.
My iPhone is set to only ring on numbers in my contacts.

(One of the new features I like in the new OS for iPhone is the color temperature shift in the evening.)

Admin Note:
JustMongo passed away in August 2017
Click HERE to read his Memorial Thread

~ Rest in Peace ~
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Many years ago when I worked Tech Support for a major software company, I actually got a Microsoft scammer on one of our direct lines. My supervisor was listening and he gave me the go ahead to mess with the guy on the call. Half hour later after all sorts of fun, I finally asked if it made a difference that I was on Linux. He hung up real quick. Great fun when we played it at a training meeting.

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