Apnea Board Forum
Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - Printable Version

+- Apnea Board Forum (http://www.apneaboard.com/forums)
+-- Forum: Public Area (http://www.apneaboard.com/forums/Forum-Public-Area)
+--- Forum: Main Apnea Board Forum (http://www.apneaboard.com/forums/Forum-Main-Apnea-Board-Forum)
+--- Thread: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP (/Thread-Parents-relatives-friends-etc-who-treat-others-like-aliens-for-using-CPAP)

Pages: 1 2


Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - Diotima245 - 05-14-2019

So I've only been using CPAP for a week and I already am getting these weird looks from my parents. Plus they're pretty disrespectful mentioning it to a friend of there's of my new medical device without asking me if its OK so tell people I am on CPAP therapy.  Seriously are they bored and can't think of any good table conversation with their friends? Next they want to act dismissive or strange when discussing it with you; 

Parent 1: "So do you like your new machine?"

Myself: "Yes of  course it's what I always dreamed of being dependent on a machine!"

What sort of question is that  ask someone? Do you go up to a old man  on a oxygen tank and go "So you like that oxygen tank?" or a old lady on a walker and go "So how's that quad walker treating you?" It's just weird conversation starters no one likes to discuss their medical devices with others who don't use the same thing or aren't medical professionals. I love my parents but sometimes they don't know when to keep there gobs closed in disclosing things about me to others; for example I went out with them to dinner after graduation and I striked up a conversation with our waitress since she was a student at the same school. Well what does my delightful dear old dad tell her? Something along the lines of me staying at home with them while I went to school. Seriously? It must be in a parents DNA to want to embarrass their kids.

Or  other things I've noticed they act like it isn't a "real problem"  as if it's all in your head and a little snoring is natural and part of life. 

You might be asking yourself why are my parents so involved? Well that's simple.  I decided to move in with them while I attended college on the GI bill. I graduated last week and got a new job waiting for me later this month. So you better believe as soon as I can I'm moving back out.

tl;dr - Parents are nosy and don't know how to respectfully discuss things or when not to tell the world about your "new CPAP" as if it's fun table conversation.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - Melman - 05-14-2019

Some people can be inconsiderate but I think in some cases it's just curiosity. I'm sorry your having this problem. Fortunately, my experience has been better and I have discovered that a fair number of my friends are also om CPAP. My granddaughter actually likes the mask and asks me to chase her around with it on.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - Diotima245 - 05-14-2019

(05-14-2019, 12:08 PM)Melman Wrote: Some people can be inconsiderate but I think in some cases it's just curiosity. I'm sorry your having this problem. Fortunately, my experience has been better and I have discovered that a fair number of my friends are also om CPAP. My granddaughter actually likes the mask and asks me to chase her around with it on.

That was my view I don't think they're malicious about it simply inconsiderate without knowing how I feel about it.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - sheepless - 05-14-2019

I'm a parent of 3 kids hovering around 30, give or take a couple years. my wife and I brought our kids up to be independent but even so, it's a never ending lesson in letting go, even now. it's very hard to bite our tongues insofar as we've always felt entitled to give our opinions on everything to teach our kids about life and what we believe to be important values. it's a parents' job, at least until the kids turn a certain age, leave home, or otherwise demonstrate their good judgement. our kids have had to remind us a number of times when we overstep. as in all things, open communication eases much conflict. it's up to parents to set boundaries for young children. it may be up to you to set boundaries you prefer as a adult.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - mesenteria - 05-14-2019

Family dynamics are often very powerful...and strange.  At least, to the observer they are.  To those who feel they often fall victim to the vagaries of family dynamics, it's painful.

It seems that you have a history with the people in question, and not always what most would term 'positive'.  Maybe there's been some not-so-good-natured ribbing in past years, or judgement, often resulting from failures or misfortune.  It could account for what I perceive to be some resentment and some sensitivity on your part.

What have you revealed to them about your circumstances, and about managing the disorder, so that they understand why you are engaged in its treatment and how important it is for you do continue to manage it with the help of the machine and of health care providers?  Is this meant to be a weakness? Is that how they view it?  Wouldn't it be interesting if one or more of them learned that they also suffer needlessly from the disorder?  At least you could claim to have taken steps to control your circumstances for the better, while they trundle on in denial or disbelief running headlong into a heart attack or some cognitive disorder.  You can claim to have prevented, or minimized, your risk of self-injury or injuring others while at the wheel of a needed drive...just as a frinstance. Or, if you wish to put an extremely fine point on it, far better that YOU do this for yourself than to rely on their good will when you finally succumb to some resultant health crisis and must rely on them to look after you.  Tongue-out-2


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - Snoring Bear - 05-14-2019

(05-14-2019, 12:08 PM)Diotima245 Wrote:
(05-14-2019, 12:08 PM)Melman Wrote: Some people can be inconsiderate but I think in some cases it's just curiosity. I'm sorry your having this problem. Fortunately, my experience has been better and I have discovered that a fair number of my friends are also om CPAP. My granddaughter actually likes the mask and asks me to chase her around with it on.

That was my view I don't think they're malicious about it simply inconsiderate without knowing how I feel about it.

First off, I think you are 100% right. Your parents aren't trying to be "malicious" towards you, but are probably unaware of your personal feelings about letting their circle of friends know you are using cpap.  Have you let them know that you'd rather keep your cpap treatment private?  If not, that would be a good step to curtailing these types of conversations.  Most likely they would honor your request.

Most parents and I'm sure yours are included "only want the best for their children".  And more often than not, children's activities become frequent areas of discussion.   That happens with your first days in school and probably continues almost forever... parents oftentimes do that!  And if they don't initiate that sort of conversation, someone asks them, "Hey, how are your kids doing?" and then they spill the beans. Wink

From your standpoint, it's great that you have taken the initiative to improve your health.  The consequences of not doing so of course could be dire.  And one good thing is cpap is often only one of multiple steps towards better health that  people take when they get into this arena... Look at all the positives!!!    Best wishes for your success with cpap!!


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - OpalRose - 05-14-2019

I agree that your parents should not tell your friends any of your business without your permission.  
But with that said.....I don’t believe they are being malicious.

May I ask, we’re not your parents involved when you were diagnosed with sleep apnea?  We’re they not involved with the purchase of machine and supplies.  Your living with them, so it’s not like you just brought a cpap home without them knowing, right?

When I read your post, it’s apparent that the communication between yourself and your mom and dad is lacking.  Try to be open with them about this new experience, discuss your feelings so they won’t be tempted to ask you something dumb.  

I have a lot of experience asking my kids dumb questions they didn’t want to answer.  Rolleyes  
But now they are in their 30’s and they ask me dumb things I don’t want to answer.  
I guess that’s called payback.  Smile

I do understand that you are a young man just out of college and wanting to be on your own, but don’t make the mistake of shutting your parents out.  Who knows, one of them might also suffer with sleep apnea and you could be the one to help.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - Diotima245 - 05-14-2019

(05-14-2019, 04:56 PM)OpalRose Wrote: I agree that your parents should not tell your friends any of your business without your permission.  
But with that said.....I don’t believe they are being malicious.

May I ask, we’re not your parents involved when you were diagnosed with sleep apnea?  We’re they not involved with the purchase of machine and supplies.  Your living with them, so it’s not like you just brought a cpap home without them knowing, right?
Oh they're aware I have it of  course. This particular unit is from a Veterans Administration hospital. I plan to move out soon as the job I was offered after college  would  allow me to have plenty of income to get a loan, obtain a home, etc.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - OpalRose - 05-14-2019

Diotima245,
Congrats on your new job, and I truly wish everything works out for you.

Hope you will stick around here. If you need help with anything concerning Cpap, just ask. Someone is always available.


RE: Parents, relatives, friends, etc.. who treat others like aliens for using CPAP - crowtor - 05-14-2019

Here's a short doomsday video with strong words attached to it, show it to them, maybe they'll understand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W60oJj3bUbM